Kinematoscope

A look at the taglines for this week's major releases. How do studios try to hook us when they only have a sentence?

Actual tagline: None.

Couldn't be more shocked that a movie that's already fully embraced terrible punnery doesn't have a bad tagline.

The poster instead just tells us "From the producer of Miss Congeniality." That producer? Sandra Bullock. Shocking, I know.



Actual tagline: None.

Once again nothing official. Don't these people know I have a weekly feature to write? The poster does have a lot of helpful instructions on surviving a creepy pandemic.

Clearly it's the recent rise of star Chris Pine that caused Paramount to dust this one off and release it after three years, but I'd like to think it was because useful tips like "the sick are already dead" speak to our current, healthcare deficient times.



Actual tagline: Working for the Man Sucks. Being the Man Blows.

OR: He's not a lover. He's not a fighter. He's a small business owner.

Extract actually has seven tags, just to make up for the others. And they're mostly not terrible, though I'm not sure when "small business owner" became the equivalent of "The Man."



Actual tagline: In the near future, you don't live to play... you'll play to live.

That's what I'm talking about! Obvious wordplay to end the week off.

But why is it "you" and then "you'll"? I demand parallel structure from my lame movie poster slogans!