Kinematoscope

When I am a famous film blogger, and I fly to TIFF and Telluride and TRIBECA and Cannes and Sundance and so forth, I promise, I absolutely promise that I will cover them like so:

TITLE: SOME FILM YOU HAVE NOT HEARD OF YET

STATUS: Unsold/ Sold to THIS OR THAT DISTRIBUTOR

WHEN IT IS SET TO OPEN IN NEW YORK/LA: THIS DATE
WHEN IT IS SET TO OPEN IN WIDE RELEASE: THAT DATE

THEN I will say it is directed by SOME PERSON and starring SOME OTHER PEOPLE and it is about SOME SORT OF PLOT OR WHATEVER.

And THEN, only THEN, will I give an opinion on said film you have not heard of yet, and it will be a relatively BRIEF one, because WHO HONESTLY CARES UNTIL IT IS RELEASED?

Not to be annoying, but I am sick to death of reading about Toronto and Utah and France and all these other places that I am not currently existing in, and seeing complete reviews of films that either will not be released for a very long time, will not be released wide enough to come even to Milwaukee, Wisconsin (where I live- represent!), or will never be picked up for wide distribution at all.

I liked reading, in summation, that Up In The Air was wowing everybody at Telluride, because I do care about the bigger picture and Oscar chances and things like that, but I don't need to read your review, do I, because it will not be released in a non-festival setting until Thanksgiving! But thanks for rubbing it in.

My girlfriend Sophie, who is a Young Adult lit blogger, was talking the other day about how YA bloggers who get Advanced Reading Copies (or ARCs) of upcoming novels have an unwritten rule about not posting reviews of those books until they're actually released. And it struck me as a perfectly logical and not-douchey way to go about things.

But hey, what does an amateur like myself know? If I can scrape together some expendable income, I might even attend some showings at the Milwaukee Film Festival, but I solemnly swear not to post full reviews of anything- I know it's contrary to the entire "blogging" phenomenon to write something and then sit on it for an extended period of time, but by golly that's what I'll do.

There. Regularly scheduled countdown entries resume shortly later today.