Kinematoscope

Actual tagline: none.

None? But how will I know what it's about? Has anyone heard anything about this "Ironed Man"?




Actual tagline: Everybody Loves... BABIES

Point-of-fact, poster: I do not love babies. I have nothing against them, per se, but babies do not inherently appeal to me on their own merits. They can't really do much of anything. Sorry.




Actual tagline: 100 % medically accurate

OR: Their flesh is his fantasy.

By special request (AKA Dave's insistence), this week we include an obscure horror film that may indeed expand to more than just one theater in the weeks to come, if purchasing agents can keep from gagging long enough to consider it.

The premise is simple enough- a mad scientist connects three people end to end to make a centipede-like creature. I don't think anyone buying a ticket is worried about the medical accuracy of the proceedings, but one of the taglines is here to reassure us.

And beyond the film's own promotional material, there are plenty of DVD-cover worthy reverse endorsements out there. Who wouldn't be intrigued by the following:

"Without question one of the most disgusting horror films ever made."
-Entertainment Weekly

"Almost more revolting to describe than to watch."
-The New York Times

"I don’t think I’d ever want to meet anyone who truly enjoyed it."
-The Newark Star-Ledger

Now you might say to yourself- "I'm going to vote with my purse-strings and not see this terrible film, even if it comes to my town!" And that's your right. But it hardly matters: there's already a sequel in the works.