Kinematoscope

IN FILM NEWS:

I'd just like to reiterate to all the real film bloggers and journalists out there how little I care about their reviews from Cannes- please keep you reviews short, spoiler free, and remind us when/where if the film in question will be released. Unless you're going to make it more of a personal diary- like Sasha Stone's tales of badge-caste-system woe, you posting your lengthy diatribes about films that the rest of us might never even see in theaters is just douche-y. Obviously there are exceptions, like Robin Hood opening Cannes right before its national release, but still.


ON KINEMATOSCOPE:

Taglines! Last week we murdered by phone and met a pooka, this week we'll be hustling Minnesota Fats and adopting a loveable orphan.

LAME CASTING PUN OF THE WEEK:

Three ladies cast in a film entitled Wild Oats. The headline:
Actresses Love Their 'Oats'

MOST PRETENTIOUS REVIEW QUOTE:

Keith Phipps of The A.V. Club reviews Robin Hood and claims it has "a trebuchet-like pace." Which literally made me laugh out loud. Does that mean the pace takes a super-long time to reload? Does it move really fast at first, and then slowly rock back and forth as if on a wheeled base?

BOX OFFICE:

Robin Hood flops, finishing with 36m to Iron Man 2's 52m- this despite allegedly very similar budgets...