This Week In Actual Movie Taglines

Remember this? No? Well, it's back anyway.

Season Of The Witch

Actual tagline: Not all souls can be saved.

It's hard not to think that we're referring to Nicolas Cage's soul, instead of witches. You should go listen to the second episode of Paul Scheer's new podcast, How Did This Get Made?, which takes on this movie and finds it to be unsurprisingly terrible.

Mostly I wonder if the title is a reference to the Donovan song from 1966. Is that a phrase ever used before that point? Are witches more prevalent during a particular season of the year (autumn, I would assume)?

Country Strong

Actual tagline: It doesn't matter where you've been as long as you come back strong.

Meh. The placement above the title makes the rhythm weird- "...come back strong. (pause) Country Strong." If you don't care about spoilers, go here and prepare to be flabbergasted. I would never have guessed that this seemingly fluffy Lifetime version of Crazy Heart would draw legit Black Swan comparisons.

I heard one of the songs from this movie playing over the PA in a Borders books and it was stuck in my head the rest of the night.

The Dilemma

Actual tagline: The Truth Hurts.

OR: A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing.

OR: Two best friends. Nothing could come between them... or could it?

Look, I'm not a fool. I understand that Kevin James/Vince Vaughan movies where people fall down a lot and call things 'gay' (but not in a homophobic way, at all, totally) exist because there's a market for That Sort Of Thing.

But why are we dragging Ron Howard into this. Why is a Ron Howard movie of any sort coming out in January? I know he's not Terrance Mallick or anything, but still.

Anyway, the tags seem to all think that one man seeing his best friend's wife having an affair is hilarious, when in reality it would just be a miserable situation for all involved. The movie, or at least the trailers for it, seem to acknowledge this and go for laughs based entirely on pratfalls, Queen Latifah busy Latifah-ing it up, and Vince Vaughan's character having painful urination. Stay classy, Ron Howard! This should make a good triple feature with Apollo 13 and Frost/Nixon!

The Green Hornet

Actual tagline: Breaking the law to protect it.

Yes, I guess that's what all viglantes do? Thanks for reminding us of the concept.

Speaking of beloved directors whoring themselves out, this is directed by Michel Gondry, director of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, the movie I would blurt out if you had a gun to my head and for some reason demanded I name my favorite film of all time. With Rogen co-writing and co-producing, it might actually be okay, but I still wouldn't have predicted Gondry to helm a film that should properly be referred to with "in 3D" at the end of its title.

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