August In Actual Movie Taglines

The Other Guys

Actual tagline: When the top cops are busy...our only hope is... The Other Guys.

As far as Using The Title In A Sentence goes, it could be a lot worse. Though after seeing it I can tell you that the 'top cops' are hardly in the film any longer than they're in the trailer.

Step Up 3-D

Actual tagline: Two Worlds. One Dream.

OR: Take the biggest step of all in 3D

I would have extrapolated that first one much more, but in ascending order: "one Dream. Two Worlds. Three Dimensions. Eight Dollars Extra."

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Eat, Pray, Love

Actual tagline: Let Yourself Go This August

I'm sure they mean it spiritually and all, but aren't they really just saying "let yourself go TO THE THEATER AND PAY FOR THIS"? Look how the 'GO' is in a bigger font and all.

Also can't agree more with Nathan Heller of Slate regarding the lack of commas on the poster: "Eat Pray Love is not a title. It's a random and nonsensical jumble of words. It is a score card in the most boring game of Scrabble imaginable."

The Expendables

Actual tagline: Choose your weapon.

OR: Heroes today. Legends forever.

OR: Semper Fight.

Could these vary any more in quality? From the decently intriguing "Choose your weapon," which underscores both that it's an action movie and that it has many, many stars, to the cheeseball second, to the awful pun on "semper fi(delis)." Which means "always faithful" and is about loyalty, not fighting.

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Actual tagline: An epic of epic epicness.

OR: Get the hot girl. Defeat her evil exes. Hit love where it hurts.

Blah on the second one, hooray for the very internet-friendly first one. And what a great film! It doesn't even matter that it tanked at the box office, because it didn't need to do well enough for a sequel (unlike, say, Serenity or something). Plus now it won't be overexposed and annoying. It's a win for everyone but Universal!

Vampires Suck

Actual tagline: Some sagas just won't die.

OR: From the guys who couldn't sit through another vampire movie!

As many problems as there are with the 'Twilight Saga,' I would much, much, much rather that the more informal saga of Friedberg and Seltzer's "_____ Movie" parodies (though lately they've moved on to actual titles, perhaps to avoid brand recognition) would die.

I realized that I wouldn't feel sad at all if Friedberg and Seltzer themselves died in a tragic auto accident (or, in fitting with their oeuvre, a tragic movie-prop-feces-related accident or something). Not one iota. Even if Uwe Boll died, I'd be kind of like "Aw, he really believed in what he was doing." Not these dudes.

The second tag even makes them the ones seemingly victimized by bad films. Oh you just couldn't sit through another one, could you? Boo hoo.

Nanny McPhee Returns

Actual tagline: You'll Believe That Pigs Can Fly!

OR: Who's Your Nanny?

Never saw the first one, no interest in this one. But if you told me there was a movie written by and starring Emma Thompson (who has an Oscar in each regard), directed by someone (Susanna White) that directed six episodes of "Bleak House" and four of "Generation Kill," I would probably sign up without knowing anything else and be pretty surprised.

Piranha 3D

Actual tagline: There's Something in the Water

OR: This Summer 3D Shows Its Teeth

The internets tell me that the French poster had the much more apt "Sea, Sex and Blood" tagline, much better than the bland American examples (Water, Teeth, we get it). I actually saw Piranha 3-D and I would say it was kinda dissapointing, but there were piranhas, and they were in 3-D. So it pretty much delivers.

The Switch

Actual tagline: The most unexpected comedy ever conceived.

If you're referring to a Jeffrey Eugenides short story somehow becoming an obviously bland and toothless romantic comedy, then that is pretty unexpected, yeah.

Lottery Ticket

Actual tagline: Winning is just the beginning. Surviving is another story.

So... surviving is 'another story' in that it.... isn't the beginning? I guess that makes sense?

Normally the phrase goes "[SOMETHING] is easy, [SOME OTHER THING] is another story." They kind of tried to fir a square peg in a round hole here.

The Last Exorcism

Actual tagline: Believe In Him.

Him who? Based on the poster it's a tossup between Jesus and Eli Roth. I dislike horror in general, and I especially dislike this recent spate of horror films that take skeptics who have lost their faith and then punish them with real supernatural religious voodoo (The Reaping, The Excorcism of Emily Rose, this thing).


Actual tagline: Who's Taking Who?

OR: Everyone's after something.

I believe it's "Who's Taking Whom?"

Fun Fact: I saw a trailer for Takers this spring when I randomly saw The Losers- as that film also starred Idris Elba, Zoe Saldana, and a generic prettyboy (Chris Evans and Paul Walker may in fact be the same person) I was briefly under the impression that either they ran the trailer for the movie I was about to see, or that I was in the wrong theater entirely.

Wasn't that fun? Coming soon: September! Maybe all at once I dunno!

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