Kinematoscope

Super Taglines Happy Catch-Up Fun Time! And how has your June been going, internet? Also this is the 200th post on Kinematoscope, so that's fun.

Actual tagline: Aaron Green has 72 hours to get a Rock Star from London to L.A. Pray for him.

Oh no, not a "Rock Star"! Pretty sure "rockstar" is one word, poster. Wiktionary confirms it- and a google result test of 22 million to 12 million. A "rock star" could just be a star within the rock community, like Igneous (whoo! Igneous!).




Actual tagline: Marriage... give it your best shot.

OR: One Day Is Enough For You!

Marriage...shoot it with a firearm! Ba dum cha! Of more interest to me is why the working title of this film was originally "Five Killers"- the internet at large seems to care very little. Did Katherine Heigl get married five times, only to find out each husband was secretly a contract killer? Because that would be cuh-razy.

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Marmaduke

Actual tagline: Live Large

Admirable restraint from a poster that had many (doubtlessly awful) dog-related pun options. Meanwhile, now that Marmaduke and Dennis the Menace have had their day, where the hell is Ziggy: The Movie? Please go listen to this podcast which spitballs some Ziggy movie ideas rapid-fire. "Maybe the movie ends with a shot of Ziggy smirking or shrugging, even though things haven't gone his way- 'Uh oh, that's life as a Ziggy!'- OR, things HAVE gone his way- 'Finally Ziggy's on top!'- then we get to the credits, audience is about to leave, then UH OH, more footage- and Ziggy raps about being Ziggy...maybe the parrot has some gold chains!"

Splice

Actual tagline: Science's Newest Miracle ... Is A Mistake

OR: She's Not Human ... Not Entirely.

I would argue that most miracles of science (especially in movies) are mistakes in some way or another.

The A-Team

Actual tagline: There Is No Plan B

Sounds like someone's not a fan of progestin, huh? (bazing!) But seriously, was this a tagline for the original show? Because I'v never seen an episode. Not one.

The Karate Kid

Actual tagline: none

Nothing? I guess this is as good a spot as any to mention that I have Joe Esposito's "You're The Best" on my ipod for working out at the gym. And finally, we're caught up to this week...

Jonah Hex

Actual tagline: Revenge Gets Ugly

Oh, it's a revenge movie? The tv spots have lead me to believe it's more of a plotless, blowing stuff up sort of affair. But that's why we're here: to learn.

Toy Story 3

Actual tagline: No toy gets left behind.

OR: The Toys Are Back In Town.

Wooo! I'm sure this'll be great, but I really wish the marketing so far hadn't focused incessantly on Barbie and Ken's super-obvious metahumor. Though other supporting characters are also trademarked products (like the Potato-Heads or Slinky Dog), giving these two an enire subplot seems a little too obvious and product-placement-y for a Pixar film.