Kinematoscope

A look at the taglines for this week's major releases. How do studios try to hook us when they only have a sentence?

Actual tagline: Fear Not The Weapon But The Hand That Wields It.

Very Zen, completely insane looking ninja movie. I think I'll split the difference and fear both hand and weapon.




Actual tagline: Sit. Stay. Play Dad.

OR: Life is Not Child-Proof

Disney continues its quest to teach people the true meaning of family, one washed-up movie star at a time. Also, I love that Old Dogs' title is pretty similar to director Walt Becker's last lowbrow crowd-pleaser, Wild Hogs. Coming soon: Mild Clogs, Piled Logs, and Soiled Frogs.




Actual tagline: His life is fantastic... his wife is fantastic... his neighbors, not so fantastic.

OR: Dig the life fantastic.

OR: This year, forget super... ignore incredible... it's all about fantastic.

He's the most fantastically fantastical fox that ever fantasticked in fantastic-town! Fantastic!

(that third knows there was a "Fantastic Four," right?)