Kinematoscope

My favorite films of 2009. Since they're already semi-covered in detail in my preferred Oscar nominations and since we have best of the decade stuff coming up, let's go with some best-of particulars in lieu of paragraphs about why they're each awesome.


10. In The Loop

Best quote: "..it falls well within my purview!"
-"Within your 'purview'? Where do you think you are, some f**king regency costume drama? This is a government department, not some f**king Jane fucking Austen novel! Allow me to pop a jaunty little bonnet on your purview and ram it up your sh**ter with a lubricated horse c**k!"

Best Quote Safe For Work: None.

Best Post-Script: When you, presuming you're an ignorant American like myself, are informed by Wikipedia that In The Loop is a spinoff of the BBC series "The Thick Of It," which means there is at least nine more hours of Peter Capaldi as Malcom Tucker.


9. Broken Embraces

Best Left Field Soundtrack Selection: "Werewolf" by Cat Power


Best Plot Twist: Most of the plot, for once, seems plausible, which is rare for Almodovar. But late in the film we find out that someone is someone else's father, in a familiar soap-operatic moment that is never adressed again. It made me chuckle.

8. Inglourious Basterds

Best Film Within A Film: There's a German propagande movie in the big premier at the end of IB about a sniper that kills 300+ Allied soldiers, and it seems to be entirely composed of hilarious pratfalls and Wilhelm Screams.

Best Mangled Italian: "A-ree-ver-DARE-chee."

Best Mangled English: the title.


7. Sherlock Holmes

Best Victory Of The Rational: Spoilers: much of Sherlock Holmes points toward a villain that controls the Dark Arts, but the big ending reveals it was all trickery. I nearly clapped: I'm sick of things coming down on the supernatural side anytime there's a question- even if its mostle religous horror films (The Reaping, Stigmata, The Exorcism of Emily Rose) or every episode of "The X-Files" (was Scully's skepticism ever prudent?).

Best Broken Instruments: To give the score more "edges" to be in tune with the mid-Industrial-Revolution period film, Hans Zimmer just up and broke stuff. From an interview: "A lot of the percussion in the movie isn’t percussion...It’s someone totally mistreating their upright bass."

And what became of the out-of-tune piano they used? "...then I thought, rather than use big drums what would a piano sound like if you dropped it down a flight of stairs? ...We rented 20th Century Fox’s underground car park one Sunday and did hideous things to a piano."

6. District 9

Best Pre-Emptive Strike: I think an underrated part of the Best Picture race is the degree to which District 9 stole Avatar's thunder some months beforehand- who would have thought it would only be the second-best sci-fi actioner in which a human betrays his own kind to save an alien race, ultimately becoming one of them? It makes it easier to argue for The Hurt Locker, which is truly one of a kind this year.

Best Dodged Bullet: Does anyone really think that a movie based on the "Halo" video game series, which fell apart and led to District 9 instead, would have been anything but a big-budget disaster? When has a video game movie ever worked? Seriously, try to read the plot summary for "Halo" without your eyes glazing over.


5. Up In The Air

Best Trailer Of The Year: The first teaser was craftily edited to Clooney's motivational speech:


Best Scenes Of Destruction: For me, the most resonant images of our economic times from Up In The Air weren't the real people they worked into the firing scenes, but a few images of ravaged workplaces- our heroes arrive to fire the last few people in a stripped empty cubicle pool, or seeing Kendrick sitting in a room full of unused chairs.

4. Star Trek

Best Flawed Science: Though the time-travel logic in Star Trek is sound, nearly everything else is completely backwards. Among many innaccuracies, there's no way to conceivable drill to a planet's core without the hole collapsing, a black hole made out of a planet would only be the size or a marble, how big Vulcan would be in the sky on Delta Vega, supernovas can't really "threaten the galaxy," and there's no way the warp core explosion would have saved them at the end.

But you know what? It was too awesome for me to care.

Best Terrible Pun: "Are you out of your Vulcan mind?!"


3. Fantastic Mr. Fox

Best All-Purpose Curse Word Substitute: Expressions uttered by claymation animals in this film include "Cuss yeah," "The cuss you are," and "A real cluster-cuss." That's how you keep it PG.

Best Vague Anthropomorphism: The Fox family and friends all walked, talked, and listened to Burl Ives records, but I wasn't clear if they could speak directly with humans- at one point there's a recording of an animal hostage, but there's no dialogue. They do communicate in notes written with cut-out magazine letters, though.

2. The Hurt Locker

Best Abrupt Snap To Reality: One of my favorite lines from The Hurt Locker comes about halfway through- Anothony Mackie's staff seargeant, after a night of dunken bonding with his renegade superior Jeremy Renner, asks him if he thinks he has what it takes "to put on the suit," the protective gear of the OED squad leader.

In a boilerplate sappy war film or Hollywood action movie, he would of course reply: "Someday," or whatever, but instead Renner snorts a derisive "Hell no."

Best Stand-in For Civilian Banality: the grocery isle at the supermarket:





1. The Brothers Bloom

Best Opening Sequence In Rhyming Verse: "What kind of cave? -A Cave..Of Wonder! -Psh! -Shut up, Dave."

Best Card Trick: None of this is CGI:



True story.

I would first like to send my sincerest and deepest apologies to Avatar, The Cove, An Education, A Single Man, and Up in the Air. I did not see these five films, which have all been lauded. I am relatively certain that if I had seen one or all of them, it would have affected this list.

However, I make due with what I have. Away we go!


10.) The House of the Devil: A tense, low budget, horror film that evokes the nostalgia of quality the 1980s. Ti West’s film works because it is minimal in all approaches and never tries to be anything more than it really is. Also, how can you not love its tagline: Talk on the phone. Finish your homework. Watch T. V. DIE!

9.) In the Loop: The satirical take on the United States’ invasion of Iraq is hilarious. Utterly foul mouthed, this movie is blisteringly funny with a top notch cast. Most notably, Peter Capaldi delivers one of the most underrated (and probably under-seen) performances of the year as an offensive British Intelligence leader.


8.) District 9: I did not see this film until last weekend. Neil Blomkamp’s first true outing did not disappoint. What makes this movie action science fiction movie special is that it has a heart and its thought provoking. I also like to imagine that Peter Jackson prank calls Universal Studios periodically and reminds them that they could have had Blomkamp direct Halo.


7.) Sin Nombre: It’s poetic, touching, and beautifully shot. It’s also in a different language, which makes it even more artsy.

6.) Up: The much hyped opening 10 minutes of the film do not disappoint. It sets the tone for a movie that will make you smile and cry, sometimes at the same time. While Up is not the best entry in the Pixar canon, it ranks near the top.

5.) The Hurt Locker: Kathryn Bigelow’s mediation on the tensions that surround war is outstanding. Jeremy Renner breaks out in the most suspenseful film since The Bourne Ultimatum (I feel like Rex Reed when I say something like that). The tension created by Bigelow is mesmerizing and Mark Boal’s script hits all the right notes.


4.) A Serious Man: I enjoy every Coen Brothers’ film (even The Ladykillers). However, what made A Serious Man special was how personal it was. The Coen Brothers tend to focus on subversive people, while this film was about a college professor and his life’s troubles. I may be trivializing the film’s plot with that summation because it also deals with faith, family, adultery, and Jefferson Airplane.


3.) Drag Me to Hell: 2009 will be remembered – at least for me – as a fun year. 2007 had many films that could be called masterpieces, but this year was about being fun. Drag Me to Hell was easily the most fun I had at the movies this year. Raimi’s return to his roots was vintage form and Alison Lohman served admirably as the new Bruce Campbell.

2.) The Reader: I saw it in theatres five times in 2009, but it qualified for last year’s list.

2.) Fantastic Mr. Fox: On any given day, Drag Me to Hell and Wes Andersen’s first animated effort could swap places. However, this was the film I was most excited for this year and it delivered even more than I imagined. The meticulous attention to detail by Andersen proved to be rewarding because it was nice to have a film that was completely done by hand, as opposed to computer wizardry.


1.) Inglourious Basterds: This film has Quentin Tarantino’s pulp fetish fingerprints all over it. From the opening frame, to the screaming conclusion, the film is a masterpiece. The terrific performances supplied by all players, especially Christoph Waltz, rival the enthusiasm with which Tarantino directs. The film, while heavy on the dialogue, may disappoint the purest action fan, but it compares well to another World War II picture – The Dirty Dozen. This is a film that I can easily re-watch over and over again and still find it entertaining every time.

1. District 9- Neill Blomkamp, Terri Tatchell (both 0 for 0)

"To everyone's surprise, the ship didn't come to a stop over Manhattan or Washington or Chicago,but instead it costed to a halt directly over the city of Johannesburg. The doors didn't open for 3 months. It just hovered there. Nobody could get in."

An interesting choice for adapted screenplay, considering much of the dialogue was improvised. The merging of the Frontline retrospective with a rock-solid sci-fi action movie proves too memorable to pass up.


2. An Education- Nick Hornby (0 for 0)

JENNY: "So you’re telling me to be bored, and then bored, and then finally bored again, this time for the rest of my life. This whole stupid country is bored. There’s no life in it, or colour in it, or fun in it. It’s probably just as well that the Russians are going to drop a nuclear bomb on us any day now."

The striaghtforward but compelling script for An Education takes a backseat to the performances, but does a great job making an ill-advised cradle robbing seem less unsettlingly predatory.


3. In The Loop- Jesse Armstrong, Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche (all 0 for 0)

TOBY: "Simon, I am sorry, but it's not like I threw up in there, is it?"
SIMON: No, you're right, I'm being unfair. I should be thanking you for not throwing up. Well done, you're a star. You didn't wet yourself, did you? You're in the right city. You didn't say anything overtly racist. You didn't pull your cock out and start plucking it and shouting "Willy Banjo". No, I'm being really unfair. You'd got so much right, without actually being there in the beginning of one of the most important moments of my career. Thanks, you're a legend."

Cannot believe this got nominated. Such a great script that you just cross your fingers that they release the original four plus hour long cut on DVD.


4. Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire- Geoffrey Fletcher (0 for 0)

PRECIOUS: "Some folks has a lot of things around them that shines for other peoples. I think that maybe some of them was in tunnels. And in that tunnel, the only light they had, was inside of them. And then long after they escape that tunnel, they still be shining for everybody else."

I haven't read it, but I imagine a lot of credit is due to Fletcher for Precious's sucess, as the novel is written in a stream-of-consciousness style that progresses in literacy along with the character.

5. Up in the Air- Jason Reitman (0 for 1), Sheldon Turner (0 for 0)

RYAN (V.O.): "Tonight, most people will be welcomed home by jumping dogs and squealing kids. Their spouses will ask about their day, and tonight they'll sleep. The stars will wheel forth from their daytime hiding places, crowning their neighborhood with lights. And one of those lights, slightly brighter than the rest, will be my wingtip passing over."

The sure winner, Reitman and Turner will get up to awkwardly divide speechtime once more on Sunday. Having read the book long ago, it seems like a real plot transformation took place on the journey to the screen, but the themes of isolation were never lost. It was just waiting for the unemployment crisis to make it more timely.